Monday, October 29, 2007

Unconcious mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?

Inaugural :: Initial
Pledge :: Polish
String :: G
Trot :: Harold Park
Fitness :: Camp
Cinder :: Ella
Edge :: Precipice
31 :: 1992
Blue :: Redhead
Leather :: Fetish

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Strange Days

Mmmm...

I went to (B)Eastgardens to do a spot of shopping this afternoon. On the bus over there, two young boys sitting in front of me were talking and one said to the other "Hey, you can find out so much stuff on Facebook - I never knew that your sister was going out with [insert boy's name here]". I had a brief internal chuckle over that comment.

When I got home, there was message on my phone from Mr 1977. I was quite curious as we lost touch again after our brief reunion a few years ago. Curiosity got the better of me and I did a quick Facebook search and found two people who I believe are his kids. If my assumption that these are his children is correct, there was a clue on one of the profiles about what is going on in his life. I guess I will just have to wait until he calls again to get confirmation...

So, to the present. The usual stuff is happening - go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. Would you believe this night owl now finds it hard to stay awake past 10.30pm?? My new job starts on November 12th and I am soooo looking forward to that day. I have enrolled in a hulahooping course - the first class was last Wednesday and I am hopeless at it. When I was a kid, I could do it without thinking; now I cannot get the damn hoop to stay up, no matter how hard I try. I will persevere but the embarrassment factor may cause me to drop out :)

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Anxious

Excuse me while I waffle on...

Using public transport to get to the places I have to go means that I have plenty of free time to think some more about the stuff that has changed in my head. I realise that the anxiety has also gone. I used to get all wound up (usually over nothing at all) and end up in a fog as I would almost hold my breath. It seemed like I was breathing just enough to remain conscious, leaving little room for any sort of rational thought. There have been some events that in previous times have left me limp and useless, yet the same situations in recent times were far less stressful.

I sometimes fear that the depression and anger and anxiety will come back and swamp me again but somewhere deep within, I'm kinda certain that it wont. I guess the only person who can prevent that happening is me :)

Consciously Muttering madly to myself...

1. Illicit :: Drugs
2. Go :: Stay
3. Jacket :: Leather - edit: doh!! fixed this one :)
4. Blow :: Job - the first word that came to mind *blush*
5. Coach :: Greyhound
6. Effort :: Joint
7. Leadership :: Skills
8. Snore :: Roar &...
9. Fearless :: Jeff Bridges
10. Network :: Social

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Faith

Borrowed from Tien, who has always had faith in me :)

I am a cuddler - So very very true
I am a morning person - false
I am a perfectionist - false
I am an only child - false
I am Catholic - false
I am currently in my pajamas - true, well at least I'll be going to bed without changing what I'm wearing...
I am currently single - mostly true
I am currently suffering from a broken heart - false
I am okay at styling other people’s hair - false
I am left handed - false
I am addicted to my myspace - false [ Facebook? true :) ]
I am very shy around the opposite gender AT FIRST - true
I bite my nails - false
I can be paranoid at times - true
I currently regret something that I have said - true
When I get mad I curse frequently - true
I like someone – true
I enjoy country music - true
I enjoy jazz music - false
I enjoy smoothies - true
I enjoy talking on the phone – true
I have a pet - false
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal - true (Those who are closest to me know)
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” person - true
I have all my grandparents - false
I have at least one sibling - true
I have been told that I am smart - true
I got higher then C’s in school - true
My GPA is higher than 2.5 - No idea, WTF is a GPA??
I have broken a bone - true
I have Caller I.D. on my phone - Mobile - true, Landline - false
I have bathed/showered with someone - true
I have changed a diaper - true - Only once - We both ended up on tears and covered in poo :(
I have changed a lot over the past year - true
I have done something illegal - true
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair - true
I have had surgery - true
I have killed another person - false (and if I had, would I admit it here?)
I have had my hair cut within the last week - false
I have had the cops called on me - false
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t - true

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Not Drowning, Waving...

No, I have not disappeared in a puff of smoke. I still exist. So much has changed yet so much remains the same.

Where do I begin? Something happened and it happened so fast that I cannot identify the exact moment it happened. The best description I can give is that the stored anger and misery that I have contained within my emotional (and physical) person for so long has vanished, just like that. The puff of smoke happened but it left ME behind.

For the first time in ages I am happy. Pure and simple, happy. I like my life.

Since this strange event, good things have happened.

On a whim (and due to the power of internet advertising), I booked myself a two day trip to Melbourne to see an exhibition of works from the Guggenheim musuems. While there, I had a wee blog/flickr meet with the lovely Julie at the 2nd hand bookstore where she works (lucky duck!) - that is her at the top, where we sent a greeting across the universe to the our mutual friend, Shirl. (Hello Shirl :) - this blogpost is especially for you.)

I won tickets to see Steely Dan in a radio quiz. It was 6.10 in the morning and I called up and the phone rang and rang. I hung up thinking I had called the wrong number and immediately cursed myself for being so daft. A minute or two later, the phone rang - it was the girl from the radio station calling back to say they had had a contestant drop out and I was in :) The questions were pretty easy and when I won, I just knew that I was meant to be there.

The best news of all - I have a new job. It is in the same company but in a different team. It involves digging and poking to find out the wheres and whys of a particular problem that has happened and then working on fixing it. Very hard to describe but it is the kind of stuff I like to do :) There is even a small payrise involved!

I'm not saying that my life is now perfect and I don't expect that it ever will be but the horizon no longers seems so daunting.